Two whole years since you have been gone Howard and I still expect you to walk through the door. I still find myself planning things around you, imagining what you would say, what you would think, how we would have grown older in our future life together. And then I remember. You are not here. You are never going to be here. And it breaks my heart, over and over again.
I miss your arms that held me after a hard day. I miss your kiss hello/goodbye. I miss the feeling of lying beside you, the person who made the world feel a little less heavy just because you were there.
I thought time would help me heal and give me some sort of acceptance but this kind of grief, losing you, my whole reason for living, does not work that way. Losing you doesn’t make sense. It isn’t fair what you had to endure but you did it with SO much bravery as you did not want to make it even harder than it was for your loved ones. That’s the kind of amazing man you were. It isn’t right that you were taken and no amount of time changes the fact that you are supposed to be here with me.
Part of me still cannot believe it, part of me wonders if I ever will, but my love for you, my darling husband Howard, will never ever end. You were, and always will be, my everything.
I miss you so very much 🌹❤️ xxxxx
Shirley Stephenson
24/07/2026
