The obituary notice of Maria Therese TOKER (Nee Hughes)

I had a dream about you last night, I woke up crying, you were happy and free in the dream, we were all on holiday, everyone was there, we were all happy.

I like to believe you're at peace now, even though I feel like I am still trying to catch my breath over everything. Down here, I'm still figuring out how to move forward, I know I have to but I feel like I’m forgetting you and leaving you behind and that really hurts. All the kind things you’ve done and left behind for us all, it’s hard to accept because I’d give it all up just to have you back here because you deserved so much more from life.

Sometimes i think about our last conversation together in the hospital, I wish I’d have known to pay attention because i would have said so much more to you and slowly I’m starting to forget the words we spoke about that day but as I left that day, I told you I loved you and you said the same words back to me and I’ll always remember that.

I hope I find you again in the next life and we get to be best mukkas again, I hope one day you send me a sign and show me that I’m doing things right and making good choices. You are missed every day Maria, love you always xx

Another Christmas approaches without you Maria …….. it still just doesn’t feel real to me that you are gone, every day I think you’re coming back but I hope that Christmas in heaven is as special as can be, especially as you cannot be here with us, I hope Aunty Sara has joined you and you had a big Irish party to welcome her amongst the fluffy clouds with lots of treats, sweets and fun galore with the rest of the family.

I still think of you every single day and it’s just never got any easier, I’ve felt so alone at times in my grief because the sadness is just so overwhelming and even though i still have so much guilt when i have nice happy times with everyone, i’m learning day by day to live with it and know that you wouldn’t want me to feel guilty for starting to enjoy life again but what I wouldn't give to have you back here.

Merry Christmas my beautiful, gentle, cousin Maria, love you forever and always your ‘best mukka’ Róisín xxxxx

I can’t believe that a year has gone by since you passed away, my biggest hope is that you are at peace Maria, that wherever you are, the pain is long gone, that your body feels light and your spirit feels free.

I hope that you are resting in a place where the weight you carried here no longer touches you. I hope you can feel how deeply you were loved and how much you are missed and i hope you know that i would have moved mountains if it meant you could stay, i wish more than anything we could have saved you and my heart is just forever broken that we just couldn’t save you.

Even though I know you are gone, I still have yet to accept that you will never return, I wonder when it will feel real to me?

I hope you watch over us all and I hope one day I can eventually think of you without feeling so much overwhelming sadness and a constant ache in my heart, i know life has to go on but I think I will feel heartbroken forever that you are gone.

You are forever missed, sending so much love up to heaven, your loving cousin Róisín xxxxx

Rest in peace Beautiful Maria. Love Louise Andy and Alby x

Our Dear cousin Maria, Such a beautiful, gentle sole. Rest in eternal peace . Love Louise , Andy and Alby who will look for you amongst the stars x